We left an ass print on the piano.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
