we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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