I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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