I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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