my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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