There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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