I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
