You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
