Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
