Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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