yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Can Purell be used as lube?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
