Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
