My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
