See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
