He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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