i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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