brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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