I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
