Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So I just went to clothing optional bar
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
