Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
