I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
