I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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