I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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