dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
