The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm at about main and main street
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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