I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
