there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
