u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
