If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Who died my cat blue again?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
