I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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