Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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