Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
