Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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