It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
