He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
