hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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