I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
