i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
