Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Two words: blizzard sex
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
