Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
