I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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