After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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