8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
