She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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