They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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