mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
