i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
