I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
