I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
