i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
