Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
