He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
