11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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