so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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